The pink journey...

First came the lumpectomy and it wasn't as bad as you might think. First let me explain. The breast cancer was closer to my chest wall and since I crossfit 5-7 days a week for about 6 years my body fat percentage is not too high which translates into not very large chest.  The scar was about 2 1/2 inches and within a few days looking alright.  Maybe the worst part was the removal of lymph nodes.  Dr. Wilkie took 9 lymph nodes to test and cutting those nerves in my arm pit made it feel numb and that continues to a little bit today and this surgery was back in November. No working out, nothing over head, nothing heavy, and rest were Doctor's orders.  The lymph nodes were sent off for Oncotype testing.  Waiting for the results would determine if there was to be chemo but radiation was a definite go.

Thanksgiving holiday leads into Christmas and still no test results.  I call and no one seems to be able to give a date for the test results to be in so let's go ahead and start radiation.  20 treatments over the month of January. The radiologist and the technicians are so nice and 10-15 minutes a day seems to go fast.  I will have to say I was still getting up at 4am to workout at 5:30 teaching my full day until 2:30 and then receiving radiation.  I will also tell you I was in bed around 4:30-5 each afternoon because I was tired.  Thank goodness Kaile and Carson were able to drive themselves to school, work, make dinners and help out around the house.  Tim went to every single appointment and treatment. We would talk all the way there, while we waited in the waiting room and all the way home.  He was my rock! Then as I was getting ready to meet with the radiation oncologist the nurse says yay we have your results today. What oh good-everyone has said all along don't worry your score should be below 26 you are so healthy, eat right and exercise. Dr. gives us the paper and right smack in the middle is 28. What does that mean? Chemo? for how long? chance of reoccurrence? would it make a difference? is the breast cancer going to come back? We are filled with questions and  when is someone going to tell me I don't have to go through chemotherapy.

I call my Breast Navigator to talk. She tells me there is a weekly meeting and all the doctors will meet and talk over the score to recommend should we or should we not. Time is standing still until this meeting.  Every doctor at the meeting recommends chemotherapy because they would have been happier with an Onkatype score of 16 because of my age-great 48 but if I were 50 then maybe no chemotherapy.

Recommendations are 4 treatments of 2 cocktails every 3 weeks. Yes all chemotherapy for breast cancer makes you lose your hair. What am I going to tell the kids at school? We had a teacher pass this year and I am not sure how I can do this at school. What about Kaile and Carson? Am I going to be sick all the time? Tim helps to calm me down and gets me to take one moment at a time. He reminds me I will get through this, like the surgery, the radiation, the Murph each year, and 12 weeks will go by in a flash. "1becomes 2, 2 becomes, 5 and before you know it you have 10 pull-ups." I replay it over and over in my mind.  Now I have to call my mom and dad and tell them our next step is chemotherapy.

Before chemotherapy a port must be put in and that ends up falling to the day before my first chemo treatment.  The first chemo treatment is long like 9-2:30 long but I feel alright.  The nurses are so helpful. I hear it is the shot the next day that will take it out of me. Make sure to take Claratin before and during the first few days to help.

World wind of appointments...

They don't tell you all the appointments you will then have to attend. MRI is first and that is what I got on my 48th birthday.  It wasn't too bad. Just hearing them tell you if you move we will have to restart the test and then might be later today or maybe next week...I was still for the whole time.  By the way there are no earplugs or earphones you listen to the thumping and pounding the whole time.  It wasn't that bad and over before you know i, if you close your eyes like I do.

Next you meet with the surgeon and Dr. Wilkey in Daytona Beach, Fl is amazing.  She was so thorough with her explanation and answered every question I had written down in my pink cancer notebook. We were hoping for a lumpectomy but there was the genetic testing and what happens if it is in my lymph nodes? All the uncertain means you take precautions and meet with everyone you MIGHT need to have on your team to fight cancer.

Then there is the radiation oncologist meeting and he was super nice and helpful. Dr. Factor explained it would be a routine once we found out about the tumor and what it contained.  Almost equated it to a bad sunburn but to make sure the area was taken care of and kill any remaining cells where the tumor was in my body.

Then the plastic surgeon in case of a mastectomy, which we needed to wait to hear back from the genetic test.  At one point during the reconstructive talk I had to have him stop because it was not a breast enhancement procedure it is a reconstructive where they go in and add a little each time until the achieved result. Oh my goodness women who go through this have to be the strongest women of all time.  I could barely talk about it without tearing up.

Then there is the medical oncologist meeting, Dr. Chew. I of course said all my doctors are not thinking I will have to go through chemotherapy so this meeting was merely a formality.  He was pleasant and our children are in band together.  We will wait for testing the Oncotype-DX of the tumor but everything will be fine.

The whole month of October it was one meeting after another but I have to give it to Florida Health Care the appointments were planned and moving right along to prepare for a lumpectomy the first week of November.  I had all of the prerequisites in place so we could tackle this breast cancer and come out on the other side.  Family was informed and questions were asked and we felt like we were as prepared as anyone could be facing the circumstances.

A little Disney magic...

So Dr. lets us collect ourselves and then meets us in the office.  We get a pink notebook where we are to write down all of our questions.  Where do I even start? Next step is an MRI so we can locate the exact location of the tumor. We need more information: how big, what stage, is it in the lymph nodes, how do we collect all this information?  I am trusting these doctors and I have faith there is a reason for all this, what can it be?

We leave with our heads spinning and Kaile is texting and Carson and how am I going to tell them?  We say we will talk about it when we get to the house and they know. It was a quiet ride home and we will face it all head on.  We will go to the doctor appointments, listen to the advice, and come out on the other end a stronger family.  We tell the kids and Kaile goes WIDE right, from 0 to 80, and there is nothing I can do as her mom to comfort her through this news. Carson is hearing the news but is he listening? I want to go to Disney. I know it sounds crazy but we got the news and really what am I going to do sit around and cry all day or worse reading on the internet? No I want to go to Disney World Hollywood Studios.  I want to ride my favorite rides. I want to walk with my family. I want to feel that Disney Magic. We get in the car and drive over and it is a quiet ride.  We get there and ride Toy Story Mania. I lose of course and the thoughts of cancer are there but I just can't explain it. I needed this time away with the ones I love the most.  We ate at Sci-Fi Theater and it was great! Luckily we got to sit in the car and watch old black and white movies while eating cheeseburgers and drink milkshakes. We spend the day at Hollywood Studios and then back home.  I tell them this was not how they wanted to spend their day but Thank you because it was how I needed to spend my day.  I love my family and for them I would do anything.  We will get through this together as a family.

Next step and then wait to hear...

We tell the kids the truth and they are worried. Of course they have questions but we try to calm their fears the next step is a biopsy and then we wait.  The biopsy was alright. The nurses were calming and the technicians talked through each step and before you know it it is over. Then we wait to hear the results from my OB/GYN. So in true style I book fast passes for Hollywood Studios to celebrate after the doctor visit because I am that sure she is going to say everything is fine. We go in, wait and when walks in she asks how we are doing. We are alright just anxious waiting for the results. Then she says, "There is no easy way to say this, you have breast cancer." Tim and I look at each other and I am in disbelief at what I have just heard. No, I can't have breast cancer. I crossfit like 7 days a week most week. I eat healthy-ish most of the time. I don't drink. I don't smoke. I just had a mammogram last year. How can I have cancer? How are we going to tell the kids? I can't have cancer! What am I going to do about school and the kids? I can't have cancer! I need like another 30 years with Tim. What am I going to tell my mom and dad? I can't have cancer. I look at Tim and we hug and he tells me everything is going to alright. I cry a few tears and I have never loved him more.

Seriously I will schedule time to blog...

I have let life get in the way and days turn into weeks into months into years, well no longer here we go back to blogging and sharing my journey with the world.

This is my 4th year as the STEM special area teacher at Cypress Creek Elementary and it has grown in so many ways.  I can't wait to share with all of you and brag on these students and teachers here in Port Orange.  Before I get to that I am also getting back into blogging for a selfish reason to share my story, my why as Tech Ninja Todd would say.  You might not know him as Tech Ninja Todd but Todd Nesloney. He will always be a hero to me from way back to the Miami Device days.  He now podcasts Tell Your Story and you should subscribe it you don't already. I could listen to him all day.

My story changed in September when I was diagnosed with breast cancer 3 days before my 48th birthday.  I went in August for my annual mammogram and then they asked me back for a 2nd one.  I thought it was odd but alright they error on the side of caution right?  I was sitting there in the pink gown along with 2 other ladies waiting to hear if we needed an ultrasound next.  The nurse walks over to the first lady and tells her they are alright and will monitor at the next mammogram. Another nurse walks over to the second lady and tells her the same thing. In my mind I said oh great I am going to be the 1 in 3 that needs an ultrasound. Sure enough I get called back for an ultrasound, a closer look, still believing oh it will be fine.  I ask if my husband can go in with me and was told no so I had to lay on that table by myself. It was so scary and of course the technician cannot tell ou a thing but they click and click away taking images. Finally the radiologist comes in and says we are sending you in for a biopsy. I remember it is alright and make sure to breathe.

As I am riding home with my hubby all I can think about is how and what are we going to tell the kids.  Kaile is 18 and Carson is soon to be 16.  Kaile's best friend recently had a mom pass from breast cancer and another friend's mom was stage 3 rare strain and given 6-12 months to live.  She is my heart for sure, my first born, the strong young lady changing her college plans, another story another day. We are  going to tell them the truth and it will be fine.  We are doing what the doctors think is best and really I am healthy, work out daily, eat right, don't drink, and don't smoke so we will be fine.