A little Disney magic...

So Dr. lets us collect ourselves and then meets us in the office.  We get a pink notebook where we are to write down all of our questions.  Where do I even start? Next step is an MRI so we can locate the exact location of the tumor. We need more information: how big, what stage, is it in the lymph nodes, how do we collect all this information?  I am trusting these doctors and I have faith there is a reason for all this, what can it be?

We leave with our heads spinning and Kaile is texting and Carson and how am I going to tell them?  We say we will talk about it when we get to the house and they know. It was a quiet ride home and we will face it all head on.  We will go to the doctor appointments, listen to the advice, and come out on the other end a stronger family.  We tell the kids and Kaile goes WIDE right, from 0 to 80, and there is nothing I can do as her mom to comfort her through this news. Carson is hearing the news but is he listening? I want to go to Disney. I know it sounds crazy but we got the news and really what am I going to do sit around and cry all day or worse reading on the internet? No I want to go to Disney World Hollywood Studios.  I want to ride my favorite rides. I want to walk with my family. I want to feel that Disney Magic. We get in the car and drive over and it is a quiet ride.  We get there and ride Toy Story Mania. I lose of course and the thoughts of cancer are there but I just can't explain it. I needed this time away with the ones I love the most.  We ate at Sci-Fi Theater and it was great! Luckily we got to sit in the car and watch old black and white movies while eating cheeseburgers and drink milkshakes. We spend the day at Hollywood Studios and then back home.  I tell them this was not how they wanted to spend their day but Thank you because it was how I needed to spend my day.  I love my family and for them I would do anything.  We will get through this together as a family.

Next step and then wait to hear...

We tell the kids the truth and they are worried. Of course they have questions but we try to calm their fears the next step is a biopsy and then we wait.  The biopsy was alright. The nurses were calming and the technicians talked through each step and before you know it it is over. Then we wait to hear the results from my OB/GYN. So in true style I book fast passes for Hollywood Studios to celebrate after the doctor visit because I am that sure she is going to say everything is fine. We go in, wait and when walks in she asks how we are doing. We are alright just anxious waiting for the results. Then she says, "There is no easy way to say this, you have breast cancer." Tim and I look at each other and I am in disbelief at what I have just heard. No, I can't have breast cancer. I crossfit like 7 days a week most week. I eat healthy-ish most of the time. I don't drink. I don't smoke. I just had a mammogram last year. How can I have cancer? How are we going to tell the kids? I can't have cancer! What am I going to do about school and the kids? I can't have cancer! I need like another 30 years with Tim. What am I going to tell my mom and dad? I can't have cancer. I look at Tim and we hug and he tells me everything is going to alright. I cry a few tears and I have never loved him more.

Seriously I will schedule time to blog...

I have let life get in the way and days turn into weeks into months into years, well no longer here we go back to blogging and sharing my journey with the world.

This is my 4th year as the STEM special area teacher at Cypress Creek Elementary and it has grown in so many ways.  I can't wait to share with all of you and brag on these students and teachers here in Port Orange.  Before I get to that I am also getting back into blogging for a selfish reason to share my story, my why as Tech Ninja Todd would say.  You might not know him as Tech Ninja Todd but Todd Nesloney. He will always be a hero to me from way back to the Miami Device days.  He now podcasts Tell Your Story and you should subscribe it you don't already. I could listen to him all day.

My story changed in September when I was diagnosed with breast cancer 3 days before my 48th birthday.  I went in August for my annual mammogram and then they asked me back for a 2nd one.  I thought it was odd but alright they error on the side of caution right?  I was sitting there in the pink gown along with 2 other ladies waiting to hear if we needed an ultrasound next.  The nurse walks over to the first lady and tells her they are alright and will monitor at the next mammogram. Another nurse walks over to the second lady and tells her the same thing. In my mind I said oh great I am going to be the 1 in 3 that needs an ultrasound. Sure enough I get called back for an ultrasound, a closer look, still believing oh it will be fine.  I ask if my husband can go in with me and was told no so I had to lay on that table by myself. It was so scary and of course the technician cannot tell ou a thing but they click and click away taking images. Finally the radiologist comes in and says we are sending you in for a biopsy. I remember it is alright and make sure to breathe.

As I am riding home with my hubby all I can think about is how and what are we going to tell the kids.  Kaile is 18 and Carson is soon to be 16.  Kaile's best friend recently had a mom pass from breast cancer and another friend's mom was stage 3 rare strain and given 6-12 months to live.  She is my heart for sure, my first born, the strong young lady changing her college plans, another story another day. We are  going to tell them the truth and it will be fine.  We are doing what the doctors think is best and really I am healthy, work out daily, eat right, don't drink, and don't smoke so we will be fine.